Let’s be confident that we mainly raise our children with our behavior and actions more than we say. A child is like a camera. He constantly captures everything he sees and stores it in his memory. Thus, he imitates when he is young and copies the father and mother’s behavior in his old age. To know that our children are like a laboratory for images, imprinting images of our behavior, actions, and even our words on their behavior. All of us, even we adults, copy our parents’ behavior in two ways: consciously on the one hand and subconsciously on the other hand.
If the parents disagree between their words and their actions, the child will soon notice that and thus will copy his parents’ behavior. As a psychiatrist, I have lived through many examples and stories during my career from children and teenagers.
Learn It With An Example
For example, when a husband promises his wife something and then does not fulfill his promise. The wife says to her husband: “I want to travel to visit my father,” and the husband replies, “Next Saturday, God willing.” Then the mother tells her children who express their joy and prepare to travel. When the specified date comes, the husband apologizes, saying, “Let’s leave travel for the next week because I am tired, or I have work, or …”.
The First Mistake
The first mistake in this matter is that the husband changed the program without consulting with his wife or children. The father made the decision alone and then changed it on his own without considering the importance of this travel, not for his wife or even his children, and leaves everyone in deep sadness and easily breaks their joy. The child quickly remembers what happened one day in the past, when the father announced his sudden decision to “prepare to travel tomorrow to visit the mother,” throwing out all the programs of his wife and children scheduled for tomorrow, without consulting with them.
What Does The Child learn?
Then the child learns that his mother is not important in decision-making and that the authority is in the father’s hand only. The child also notices that it is a “pawn” in this house that we move as we like without any appreciation of his feelings and feelings.
A Bad Message To Children
The child notices that equality between his mother and his father does not exist, and this is how we teach him, male or female, how to reproduce this model in the future. There is no need to tell the child how to achieve happiness between the “spouses” or the importance of fulfillment. We may be unjust if we punish our children if they do not fulfill what they promised us because we have taught them by our actions that it is not essential to fulfilling the promise, and if we do that, we are not just contradictory. But we are oppressive as well. The issue is severe, and the lack of consultation and review of our behavior leads us to this crooked approach to raising our children.
So why do we expect distinct behavior in our children other than what we imprinted in their minds with our hands? Where does the child come from having confidence in himself if we do not make it for him? We, the parents, do our work and treat him as an individual of great importance amid the family, and we consult with him and make the decision with the participation of everyone.